All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
