Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
