would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
