dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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