Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
