I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..