I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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