'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME