i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.