Three words: puerto rican gang bang
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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