I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize