I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What drink are we having for lunch?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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