It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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