she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
