When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
