I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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