So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
