Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize