Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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