I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
