I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize