fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
