So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
