I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
