Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
