Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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