Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
