I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
