I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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