Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
