I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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