my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
