who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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