guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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