Your face is a jimmy john
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
