Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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