my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
