I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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