At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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