Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
