yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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