Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
