If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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