Having a random hookup so left but love u
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
