Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
