is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
