my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
