I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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