I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
honey bunches of taint.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
They took my balls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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