remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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