to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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