worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
