Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
