hell yes lets make some ravioli
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
