Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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