Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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