So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
