I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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