Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....