Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight