my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer