I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth