proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.