Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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