i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
