question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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