We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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